How to Have a Basic Bitch Summer
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Have you ever found yourself wondering why all your friends are doing the same thing and you just didn’t get the memo? Well sorry to break it to you, they’ve become Basic Bitches! But don’t fret! I can show you (the world) how to become a basic bitch. Wanna fit in with your friends this summer? Here's how!
Get A Pinterest Account
You'll want to know the proper way to make salads in jars and why you need to raid warehouses of all their broken pallets. Plus this is the best place to learn how to be a fake bohemian like all the basic bitches are doing.
Infuse your water
Cut up some lemons and limes. While you're at it cut up like 10 of each. Now freeze that shit. That will last you half the summer. Hooray! Infused water whenever you want! If you’re feeling really crafty, throw in some mint leaves. Basic Bitches love being minty.
Buy Some Rompers
The more tribal the print, the better. Bonus if there are Indian elephants on them! You can probably find them the cheapest on amazon. But if that's where you get them, probably everyone and their mother will buy the same ones. Unless you just have money sprouting out of your ass and have no problem spending 30 bucks on a single romper. No, I bought the cheap ones and I'm not any less happy.
Stock up on Mason Jars
Put them everywhere. Just fucking everywhere. Paint them random colors and just set them places, make them into light covers, candle holders, soap dispensers, replace every liquid holder in your house with jars. Use your pinboard to pin at least 1,000 uses for ball jars. You probably won’t ever go back to read it but at least you pinned it just in case you want to be crafty.
Get Yourself Some Coffee
Make sure it's a name brand or there's no point. Only the bitchiest of basic bitches buy Starbucks and Biggby.
Buy A Wall Tapestry
Hell, buy 6 of them. Hang them around your bed, above your bed, put them on your bed. Bohemian is the new basic bitch. If you have the money, get the cool ones from urban outfitters. If you're on a budget, this $10 mandala tapestry (right) from amazon will work just fine. Don't forget to talk about how much you should have been at Woodstock because you’re “such a free spirit,” even though you don't know any of the music.
Extra points if you take it to the beach and use it as a beach blanket. Let all of Instagram know for sure. That way you have proof that you are a unique and offbeat individual.
Start listening to country
It will be hard to figure out who sings what since all the songs sound the same but I'm sure you'll get it. I wouldn't know. This is one step I will always skip but you’re welcome to it!
Go to Some Rave Festivals
Its everything all basic bitches are doing now. Add some glow paint! Take a glow paint bath, that way, you'll be the most “enlightening” person there. Always remember, you make more friends if you talk about how empowering and soulful EDM is.
Bring a hammock with you and just hang it anywhere. When you're at a festival, tattoo parlor, at Starbucks. All the basic bitches are hammocking nowadays. Hammockers are like fleas. When one sets up camp, others just start flocking. It’s like they can sense when someone has set up a hammock camp. They’ve become a real nuisance to various corporate society businesses since around 2014.
Contour the shit out of your face
I want your face looking gaunt as hell, bitch! Use a spoon, spatula, salad tossing claws, I don't care. And don't be seen in public without your highlight! Basic bitches love wearing that highlight.
Get a Foot or Ankle Tattoo
Because where else would you put a tattoo with a meaningful life quote about courage? This has always been pretty basic bitch style and probably always will be.
Well there you have it. You wanna be a basic bitch? That's your list. Don't forget to post the shit out of everything you do on instagram so the world knows how perfect your life is! Have fun this summer you new age, basic bitches! :)
Let me know how your summer is going so far! I would live to hear about how awesome and extremely basic your life is, like mine. LOL. Feel free to comment on anything that should be added to the list.
Pineapple Photo Credit : https://pineapplesupply.co/
Hammock Photo Credit : Pixaby